Comments on: Married With Separate Finances: I Just Don’t Get It http://manvsdebt.com/married-with-separate-finances-i-just-dont-get-it/ Sell your crap. Pay off your debt. Do what you love. Thu, 29 Jul 2010 11:17:08 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Missy http://manvsdebt.com/married-with-separate-finances-i-just-dont-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-10873 Missy Wed, 30 Jun 2010 04:54:37 +0000 http://manvsdebt.com/?p=371#comment-10873 I have to say that in a normal marriage, combining finances is the best way to go, if you can indeed trust your spouse financially, and you have the same goals. I married a man who had custody of his child, and although I was more than willing to help provide for her, since the mother wasn't paying any child support, I noticed little by little finding myself taking on more of the financial responsibility as he began to make plans for my income as well, making financial decisions, such as private schools and such that he could not afford on his income, relying on my income to pick up the slack without consulting me. I was thankful that we had kept our finances separate, in order that I may set the necessary boundaries as to how I would allow him to affect my financial well-being without my knowledge. When you work together as a team, you talk things out, and make joint decisions regarding finances, whereby you both accept the responsibility if your plans don't work out. However, in our case, he was making some very unwise decisions, expecting me to go along, which placed us in a position of living hand to mouth so to speak, and I had no choice but to draw the line and put a stop to it. I now have set boundaries with my personal finances, let him know what I would and would not do, and what responsibility I was willing to take. He needed to live up to his responsibility, and if he chose to spend money he couldn't afford, then he needed to take responsibility for that decision. I have to say that in a normal marriage, combining finances is the best way to go, if you can indeed trust your spouse financially, and you have the same goals. I married a man who had custody of his child, and although I was more than willing to help provide for her, since the mother wasn’t paying any child support, I noticed little by little finding myself taking on more of the financial responsibility as he began to make plans for my income as well, making financial decisions, such as private schools and such that he could not afford on his income, relying on my income to pick up the slack without consulting me. I was thankful that we had kept our finances separate, in order that I may set the necessary boundaries as to how I would allow him to affect my financial well-being without my knowledge. When you work together as a team, you talk things out, and make joint decisions regarding finances, whereby you both accept the responsibility if your plans don’t work out. However, in our case, he was making some very unwise decisions, expecting me to go along, which placed us in a position of living hand to mouth so to speak, and I had no choice but to draw the line and put a stop to it. I now have set boundaries with my personal finances, let him know what I would and would not do, and what responsibility I was willing to take. He needed to live up to his responsibility, and if he chose to spend money he couldn’t afford, then he needed to take responsibility for that decision.

]]> By: nyxmoxie http://manvsdebt.com/married-with-separate-finances-i-just-dont-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-10872 nyxmoxie Wed, 30 Jun 2010 04:23:05 +0000 http://manvsdebt.com/?p=371#comment-10872 we both work but we like to keep our accounts separate and its not hard for me to keep track of my finances, I'm 27 and he's 30, and I like having separate accounts, no we're not married but even if I were married to him or anyone else I want to keep my money separate from my S.O. -I think its sad that people feel they can't respect others just because we choose to have separate bank accounts. I don't look down on others for choosing joint finances, in fact I don't care what other people do with their money. I just care what I do with mine. given that the divorce rate is close to 50%, yea I want to keep my money separate. I really don't want to have to talk things over with someone if I want to go shoe shopping, buy a magazine, or choose to get an IRA. I like having my own freedom and independence in regards to my money. It doesn't make me bad, it doesn't make me cold, and we have a good relationship. =) we both work but we like to keep our accounts separate and its not hard for me to keep track of my finances, I’m 27 and he’s 30, and I like having separate accounts, no we’re not married but even if I were married to him or anyone else I want to keep my money separate from my S.O.

-I think its sad that people feel they can’t respect others just because we choose to have separate bank accounts. I don’t look down on others for choosing joint finances, in fact I don’t care what other people do with their money. I just care what I do with mine.

given that the divorce rate is close to 50%, yea I want to keep my money separate. I really don’t want to have to talk things over with someone if I want to go shoe shopping, buy a magazine, or choose to get an IRA. I like having my own freedom and independence in regards to my money.

It doesn’t make me bad, it doesn’t make me cold, and we have a good relationship. =)

]]> By: OpentoChange http://manvsdebt.com/married-with-separate-finances-i-just-dont-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-10859 OpentoChange Mon, 28 Jun 2010 23:15:03 +0000 http://manvsdebt.com/?p=371#comment-10859 My hub and I have been married for a year. We still have separate accounts and never even thought about combining vs not. Your discussion has really got me thinking. Although I would love to combine, respect and prudence make me hesitate. We've both been very self-sufficient with our finances and got married with good habits in our mid-30s. Although he makes quite a bit less than me, he's saved much more than I have (for the first time in my life I have credit card debt from a large dental bill when a roommate stiffed me several months of rent just before our marriage). In addition, when my husband came to live at my condo (which I own with my father), my husband went from renting a modest 2 bedroom to my 2 bedroom costing several hundred more per month (he would have voted against this price range had he been involved when I purchased). Out of respect, I won’t ask him to take on a large increase in rent that he prudently avoided, or a dental bill from my past and roommate woes. While I would love to combine our accounts, instead I am paying off my debt slowly (~6 months to go). I made that decision because he is saving for a down payment on a new house that will give us room to start a family. More than that, because he has a knack for saving, me covering monthly essentials on a tighter personal budget while paying off debt can be uncomfortable but lets him continue doing what he does best, saving for our future. He also steps in to purchase essentials, like when our washer and dryer broke within a few months of each other. There is a real ebb and flow to our arrangement, each of us has our role in a sense based on our strengths and situations we brought into the marriage. I am also very organized with errands and bills that this is a natural fit for me. The one downside is that money is sometimes a stressor for me because I have much less wiggle room for non-necessities and it feels overly restrictive.... but let's face it, I would spend too much otherwise. In our case, personal situations have determined combining finances more than philosophy. (Coming from a person who would prefer to combine finances... I would if I could do so in a way that accounts for these considerations I’ve mentioned.) "Becoming one" takes place over a lifetime and I have thought better of forcing the when and how. Selling the current condo and buying a new place that we choose together will be important. In short, combining lives, philosophies, and bank accounts seems to me will happen with time, but I would love some feedback if you can think of any that works with our situation. I am tired of being stressed over money but if we combined I might be stressed about spending "too much." Thanks! My hub and I have been married for a year. We still have separate accounts and never even thought about combining vs not. Your discussion has really got me thinking. Although I would love to combine, respect and prudence make me hesitate. We’ve both been very self-sufficient with our finances and got married with good habits in our mid-30s. Although he makes quite a bit less than me, he’s saved much more than I have (for the first time in my life I have credit card debt from a large dental bill when a roommate stiffed me several months of rent just before our marriage). In addition, when my husband came to live at my condo (which I own with my father), my husband went from renting a modest 2 bedroom to my 2 bedroom costing several hundred more per month (he would have voted against this price range had he been involved when I purchased). Out of respect, I won’t ask him to take on a large increase in rent that he prudently avoided, or a dental bill from my past and roommate woes. While I would love to combine our accounts, instead I am paying off my debt slowly (~6 months to go). I made that decision because he is saving for a down payment on a new house that will give us room to start a family. More than that, because he has a knack for saving, me covering monthly essentials on a tighter personal budget while paying off debt can be uncomfortable but lets him continue doing what he does best, saving for our future. He also steps in to purchase essentials, like when our washer and dryer broke within a few months of each other. There is a real ebb and flow to our arrangement, each of us has our role in a sense based on our strengths and situations we brought into the marriage. I am also very organized with errands and bills that this is a natural fit for me. The one downside is that money is sometimes a stressor for me because I have much less wiggle room for non-necessities and it feels overly restrictive…. but let’s face it, I would spend too much otherwise. In our case, personal situations have determined combining finances more than philosophy. (Coming from a person who would prefer to combine finances… I would if I could do so in a way that accounts for these considerations I’ve mentioned.) “Becoming one” takes place over a lifetime and I have thought better of forcing the when and how. Selling the current condo and buying a new place that we choose together will be important. In short, combining lives, philosophies, and bank accounts seems to me will happen with time, but I would love some feedback if you can think of any that works with our situation. I am tired of being stressed over money but if we combined I might be stressed about spending “too much.” Thanks!

]]> By: Desiree Zara http://manvsdebt.com/married-with-separate-finances-i-just-dont-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-10735 Desiree Zara Wed, 09 Jun 2010 08:46:29 +0000 http://manvsdebt.com/?p=371#comment-10735 I totally agree to the blog !!! Opposites attract sometimes and I have fallen in love with a younger man who lives almost in a completely opposite way to me financially. I understand the finances worth best for you .. Thanks for sharing :) I totally agree to the blog !!!
Opposites attract sometimes and I have fallen in love with a younger man who lives almost in a completely opposite way to me financially.
I understand the finances worth best for you ..
Thanks for sharing :)

]]> By: Julie http://manvsdebt.com/married-with-separate-finances-i-just-dont-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-10675 Julie Thu, 03 Jun 2010 15:14:18 +0000 http://manvsdebt.com/?p=371#comment-10675 Forgive my previously sent sentiment. This is actually the first time I have ever replied to a blog. I am in a very similar situation to what Jay describes. I have lived in a fiscally responsible way for the first half of my life an have managed to collect a few assests along the way. I also have two adult children who I am very close to. Opposites attract sometimes and I have fallen in love with a younger man who lives almost in a completely opposite way to me financially. He is very much in the moment, has always earnt a good income and always spent it. When unexpected expenses arise he is quite happy to be broke for a while. He has a system in a sense just like me but if i tried to live that way I'd be a nervous wreck. Hell, I saved my pocket money in grade four. I enjoy the accumulation, the choices "what could I buy with this money" rather than actually spending it - although I am not miserly with myself. The solution at the moment is not living together although we have talked about it a lot. I think if we did live together the financial arrangement would be him paying an agreed upon amount to me and me still taking responsibility for maintaining my house. It's a real pity because at the moment I am asset rich but income poor due to my commitments to my aging parents and chronically ill sister. I am struggling. He is renting a house too. Two three bedroom houses for two people. Overkill I know. Yet our differing financial styles would create strain in the relationship and would probably depolarise us sexually. What to do? Our answer at the moment is to stay where we are as wasteful as that is. I'd have a nervous break down though if we were ever to combine our finances. It would also be cheating my children I think. Forgive my previously sent sentiment. This is actually the first time I have ever replied to a blog.

I am in a very similar situation to what Jay describes. I have lived in a fiscally responsible way for the first half of my life an have managed to collect a few assests along the way. I also have two adult children who I am very close to.

Opposites attract sometimes and I have fallen in love with a younger man who lives almost in a completely opposite way to me financially. He is very much in the moment, has always earnt a good income and always spent it. When unexpected expenses arise he is quite happy to be broke for a while. He has a system in a sense just like me but if i tried to live that way I’d be a nervous wreck. Hell, I saved my pocket money in grade four. I enjoy the accumulation, the choices “what could I buy with this money” rather than actually spending it – although I am not miserly with myself.

The solution at the moment is not living together although we have talked about it a lot. I think if we did live together the financial arrangement would be him paying an agreed upon amount to me and me still taking responsibility for maintaining my house.

It’s a real pity because at the moment I am asset rich but income poor due to my commitments to my aging parents and chronically ill sister. I am struggling. He is renting a house too. Two three bedroom houses for two people. Overkill I know. Yet our differing financial styles would create strain in the relationship and would probably depolarise us sexually.

What to do? Our answer at the moment is to stay where we are as wasteful as that is. I’d have a nervous break down though if we were ever to combine our finances. It would also be cheating my children I think.

]]> By: Julie http://manvsdebt.com/married-with-separate-finances-i-just-dont-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-10674 Julie Thu, 03 Jun 2010 14:53:20 +0000 http://manvsdebt.com/?p=371#comment-10674 I agree with Jay. I agree with Jay.

]]> By: jess http://manvsdebt.com/married-with-separate-finances-i-just-dont-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-10487 jess Fri, 14 May 2010 23:48:17 +0000 http://manvsdebt.com/?p=371#comment-10487 this is a discussion about finances, not about my marital status. this is a discussion about finances, not about my marital status.

]]> By: nasochkas http://manvsdebt.com/married-with-separate-finances-i-just-dont-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-10473 nasochkas Thu, 13 May 2010 21:26:26 +0000 http://manvsdebt.com/?p=371#comment-10473 First piece of advice - do not have a child out of wedlock. If you feel comfortable enough in a relationship to have a child, you should feel comfortable enough to get married. This way if anything happens to your relationship you both have to support the child. First piece of advice – do not have a child out of wedlock. If you feel comfortable enough in a relationship to have a child, you should feel comfortable enough to get married. This way if anything happens to your relationship you both have to support the child.

]]> By: n.h. http://manvsdebt.com/married-with-separate-finances-i-just-dont-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-10472 n.h. Thu, 13 May 2010 21:20:56 +0000 http://manvsdebt.com/?p=371#comment-10472 My husband of just over a year (but about 9 years together total) keep separate checking accounts. We did this before we were married and lived together and it worked just fine, so why change? However, once we did get married we a) opened up a joint savings where we save for a downpayment (almost there!) b) we became fully transparent about our finances. We both now know how much is in each others' retirement funds and other investment accounts, c) we also opened up joint credit cards - more like i added him to my credit cards. I have stellar credit history having had a credit card since 17 and student loans. He thought it was prudent not to have a credit card to avoid debt..but his family never taught him the importance of building a credit history and he had no other loans. Now he has the same credit score as me and having a high score for both of us will be very important when getting a mortgage. We share our rent and other expenses. I pay a bit more because I earn more for now. This system works perfect for us. We spend our money as we please without agonizing over me buying shoes or him buying fancy scotch, but we maintain trust by being completely open and we have shared goals. We agreed that if one of us were to stay home if we ever chose to reproduce, then we would prob just keep everything joint. However, I just do not see us being able to live on one income. Kids may change things but we do not need to think about that for at least 3-5 years, if ever. My husband of just over a year (but about 9 years together total) keep separate checking accounts. We did this before we were married and lived together and it worked just fine, so why change? However, once we did get married we
a) opened up a joint savings where we save for a downpayment (almost there!)
b) we became fully transparent about our finances. We both now know how much is in each others’ retirement funds and other investment accounts,
c) we also opened up joint credit cards – more like i added him to my credit cards. I have stellar credit history having had a credit card since 17 and student loans. He thought it was prudent not to have a credit card to avoid debt..but his family never taught him the importance of building a credit history and he had no other loans. Now he has the same credit score as me and having a high score for both of us will be very important when getting a mortgage.

We share our rent and other expenses. I pay a bit more because I earn more for now. This system works perfect for us. We spend our money as we please without agonizing over me buying shoes or him buying fancy scotch, but we maintain trust by being completely open and we have shared goals.
We agreed that if one of us were to stay home if we ever chose to reproduce, then we would prob just keep everything joint. However, I just do not see us being able to live on one income. Kids may change things but we do not need to think about that for at least 3-5 years, if ever.

]]> By: How We Saved 75% of Our Income to Travel http://manvsdebt.com/married-with-separate-finances-i-just-dont-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-9349 How We Saved 75% of Our Income to Travel Thu, 18 Mar 2010 16:06:56 +0000 http://manvsdebt.com/?p=371#comment-9349 [...] [...] [...] [...]

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